No more super powers

So this is a post about anxiety. For those that don’t know, I get bad anxiety when I’m pregnant and postpartum.  After I had Boston I got on medicine and did the same with Isaac.  I assume this will just be my “thing” every time I have a baby…kinda like how I don’t eat chicken for 9 months straight, It’s just what I do.  I’ve just finished weaning myself  off of my anxiety meds that I started half way through my pregnancy with Isaac. I was on them for about a year this time around.  

We had a nice little time together (the meds and I).  We chilled out, didn’t yell at children and best of all avoided panic attacks like nobody’s business.  Despite the fact that our relationship kinda rocked, it was time to move on.  So here I am, one week later, no panic attacks, feeling pretty great.  I did have one panic attack during the process of weaning, and it freaked me out, but two positives came out of that, 

1.  It was very short and I handled it great.  No one would even have guessed that all I wanted to do was bolt for the door.  

2.  The next day I was totally back to normal.  I wasn’t even worried about another panic attack and my anxiety wasn’t higher, I was just back to normal. 

When I wean off my medicine (this is my 2nd time around…I’m no newbie) I take a good 2 months to do it.  I like to take things slow, so my body has time to adjust.  Both times I’ve had a couple days that are hard as I get down to taking half a pill every other day (that’s the last step before I stop completely).  I also feel a little dizzy in the adjustment phase.  Not bad, just a tiny bit.   I was starting to feel a little unsettled and nervous about being off the meds, but after a talk with a good friend I decided on getting a prescription for a “rescue medicine”.  That baby would be xanex.  I hear good things about it, but it’s not something you take every day, just if you need to be “rescued”.  Apparently it kicks in pretty fast and can calm me during a panic attack (it must be awesome!)  Just knowing that I have a prescription for it, makes me feel a lot of comfort.  If I get stuck in a rut, i’ve got something to help me out.  It’s a good feeling.  And the best part?  It’s totally safe to take (not every day of course) when nursing.  I talked with my lactation consultant all about it. 

I feel like I’ve got a good little system in place to keep me at peace…the goal of all of this!

However, I have to confess my one big disappointment.  There are some annoying side effects to taking medicine, at least in the beginning, but one awesome side effect, is that on medicine I’m like this totally zen Momma.  Full of patience and kindness, enough to spread around to my children and then some… with enough left over for Dane.  The first thing I notice off the meds is that I have to work a lot harder to be patient and non irritable.  😦  Bummer.  I sure feel like a better Mom when I’m full of effortless patience.  However it’s not impossible for me to get back there, it’ll just require some work.  Darn work. So there you have it, I used to sleep…and I used to have one really awesome super power.  


3 thoughts on “No more super powers

  1. Sarah

    well, after reading this, I wonder if I need anxiety medication! I’m glad you feel like you’re turning a corner

  2. Meg

    Can I have something for when I fly??? PS u amaze me with how well u have coped with all this. Can’t wait until we get to see each other again. Love your BFF meg LYLAS. Jk. Also remember the days before texting when we would write notes…. Pretty awesome


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